Postpartum PlanWelcoming a new baby can so exciting! It can also be a stressful time. You can feel overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and all the opinions of well meaning loved ones. One way to protect against this stress is to tune into your own wisdom. I’ve created a postpartum support plan to help you get clear on what you want and need. It covers practical areas like who can help with chores to more complex issues like warning signs of postpartum depression and where you can get help. If you live in a two parent household, I encourage you to each fill out the plan separately and then go over answers together to make sure you are both on the same page. It’s not uncommon for parents to think they agree and then find out their views differ slightly or significantly. Going over your answers can be a good starting point for honest conversations focused on solutions that work for both of you. Once you agree, you can complete a final plan with your agreed upon answers. This can also help decrease relationship stress because you don’t have to scramble in the moment to think of others to help with tasks and having a written document decreases the chances of misunderstandings. ![]() |
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Online Parenting ConferenceThis FREE online positive parenting conference sounds great. As a parent and a psychologist, I'm interested in watching the conference to learn some helpful tips. |
ParentingYou might be surprised to know that some of the best parenting advice I've ever heard came from the singer Pink. She wished that her mother had realized that her rebelling had nothing to do with her mom and everything to do with her just trying to figure herself out. It can be really hard not to take the things our kids do personally. Viewing my child's behavior in the moment through the lens of “right now is not about my feelings, it's about her” has helped me so much. I don't take it personally when she clearly states that “Daddy is her favorite” (I'm told I shouldn't worry about this because it will likely change to me in the next 30 to 40 years). I'm able to step back and enjoy that she has a great relationship with her father and trust that she feels safe enough with me to express that. To be clear, I'm not saying that our feelings as parents don't matter. I'm saying that it's important to not make her feel like she is responsible for taking care of me and my feelings. She needs to be a kid. She needs to be able to express her thoughts and not worry that I can't handle it. I can always find appropriate adults to talk to about my experiences, like my best friend and husband.
I'll admit that it's not always easy. When my normally well behaved 2 year old has a full blown meltdown in public for no apparent reason I can't help but fear that other parents will think I'm a bad mom. But then I remember to use the mantra “in this moment her acting out is not about my feelings, it's about her” and I'm able to shift to helping her. That could mean helping her figure out what's wrong and how to solve that problem. It could mean letting her safely tantrum if she is not able to get what she wants. That one is still hard for me. My mind tends to jump to the negative thought people will think it's a reflection of my flawed parenting. When that does happen I remind myself that when I see others in similar situations I'm not sitting there judging them. Most of the time I just want to go over, give them a hug, let them know I've been there too and that I heard it gets better in 30 to 40 years....
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Happy New Year
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Stress Management GroupGroup: Stress Management
For: Adults
When: 4 week group Thursdays from 12pm to 12:50pm Thursdays June 19th, 26th, July 10th and July 17th
Where: Healthy Minds, 319 South Main St., St. Albans Vermont
Stressed by work, family, friends and life in general? Come learn tips to feel relaxed and happier! Group will focus on learning stress reduction skills using aromatherapy, meditation and cognitive behavioral techniques to think more positively.
Registration and material fees: $10
Most insurances accepted or $25 per each session.
Please register by June 12th.
For further information please contact Raquel at 802-524-0305 ext. 6.
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Recently Quoted
To view the full article: http://mom.me/ |
Perfect...The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. -Jill Churchill I love this quote. I think it's a good reminder for a lot of us who feel the pressure to be perfect. We may know that it's unrealistic to always say or do the right thing but the thoughts are still there. Along with the worry that others will judge us if we don't. This thinking may be a product of how you were raised. It may be a symptom of our society in which we are often expected to be super human and over function. The great thing is however this type of thinking started for you, you have the ability to change it. You have the right to be kind to yourself and say I am no longer going to make myself sick worrying about meeting unrealistic expectations. I am going to free myself from this unhealthy thinking. Instead I'm going to choose to enjoy life and realize that I can be good without having to be perfect. Besides, how boring would life be if everything was perfect?
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Recently Quoted
Raquel was quoted in the article "Teaching Kids Boundaries with Peers" by Shannon Philpott.
To read more of Shannon's articles please visit her website at
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How to Use Breathing Techniques to Calm Your Body and Mind
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Quoted on Mom.me
Raquel was recently quoted in the article: "Rules for Behavior Between Siblings in the House" by Shannon Philpott on Mom.me. You can follow this link to read the full article: http://mom.me/parenting/family-dynamics/sibling-relationships/6504-rules-behavior-between-siblings-house/ |
Quoted in The Glass Hammer
Raquel was recently quoted in the article The Art of Giving Effective Feedback by Robin Madell on theglasshammer.com, a career website for female executives. To read the full article please go to http://www.theglasshammer.com/news/2013/02/07/the-art-of-giving-effective-feedback/
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Applying Cognitive-Behavioral Strategies to Your Career
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Happy Thanksgiving!When I was younger, the word Thanksgiving brought with it images of turkey, gravy, stuffing mashed potatoes and family. If I'm being honest, it was pretty much in that order. But spending time with my family was still on the list. Somewhere along the lines, it seems that Thanksgiving changed into Big Sale Day. Don't get me wrong, I love shopping too and considering the way the economy is today it makes sense to take advantage of deals when we can. However, something about camping out in the cold at 5am to buy the newest gadget instead of sitting around the family table enjoying a delicious meal seems sad to me. I am not saying that it's wrong in anyway. It's just not right for me. I am sure there were times that I really wanted something but looking back now, I can't tell you what those things were. I can tell you about the memories of my family laughing together and even arguing sometimes. I can describe all the delicious food we had and fighting over the last piece of cheesy garlic bread. I ask you now, what do you remember about your Thanksgivings growing up and what would you like to remember about this one?I want to stress that I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I know what my answer is but I also know it's a very personal decision. For some people, it might be a family dinner. For others, that might not be a healthy or preferable option. Whatever you choose I hope you enjoy it and make good memories. If it makes you feel good to battle it out in the stores for the toy your child (or you) really wants, then I am all for that. Good luck and remember to be kind to your fellow shoppers and store staff along the way. If it's that you want to spend time with your family knowing full well it might lead to headache later on I hope you have fun as well. However you choose to spend your day, I wish you all a Very Happy Thanksgiving! |
MindfulnessI recently attended Terry Fralich's Advanced Mindfulness training. For years I have been successfully teaching mindfulness techniques to my clients who reported the wonderful effects it had on their lives. I like to teach my clients a variety of skills that they can use but understand that some might click for them and some might not. Mindfulness clicked for me in a whole new way after this workshop. Through sharing different mindfulness exercises, Terry did a wonderful job of illustrating how practicing mindfulness can help us connect to our present moment instead of feeling sad about our past or worried about our future. I am excited to share these techniques I have learned with my clients in order to help with a number of issues including anxiety, depression and overeating. I also encourage you all to visit Terry Fralich's website http://www.mindfulnesscenter.org to learn more about his work. |
EventRaquel will be presenting her interactive workshop Creating a Strategic Success Plan for Your Business at the Vermont Women's Business Center in Berlin on May 7th, 2012. For more information, please visit the VWBC. |
EventRaquel will be at the Vermont Women's Expo on Saturday March 10th at the Sheraton Inn in Burlington Vermont. Stop by her booth for more information about the services she provides. For more information visit the Vermont Women's Expo |
Strategies for Success Workshop
Over the years I have had the privilege of working with several very smart women who despite all of their strengths, sometimes struggled with getting ahead in the workplace. Our work together revealed that achieving their goals just took learning tools to make small changes in the way they viewed themselves and how they communicated with others. These changes often lead to raises and/or promotions for them. As an added bonus, they were able to use these strategies to improve other areas of their lives. Personally, I have used these skills to transition from an entry level job to a supervisory position and then to running my own successful private practice. In an effort to reach more women, I have developed a 5 part workshop focusing on these strategies for success.
Assessing strengths and areas for growth Setting clearly defined short term and long term career goals Developing an assertive communication style Maintaining clear boundaries Building and demonstrating leadership abilities Improving self care and stress management skills Creating a supportive network
It is my hope that creating a supportive network for you will begin in these workshops. In order to foster this, workshops will be limited to only 8 participants. In addition to the 5 workshops, I will provide two 15 minute individual coaching sessions. The first coaching session will take place prior to the 1st workshop so that we can create a plan on how to help you get the most from the group. You get to choose when the 2nd coaching session takes place (either during the workshop series or after it is done). Dates: Wednesdays May 23rd, 30th, June 6th, 13th, 20th Time: 6pm-7:15pm Location: 595 Dorset St. Suite 2, South Burlington, VT 05403. Cost: $250 for all 5 workshops, materials and two 15 minute coaching sessions. To register call me at 802-651-8999 ext. 5. (If you get my voice mail please leave the best times to return your call). Please register early as space is limited!
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Test Anxiety
Fortunately, there are many strategies you can use to help. The most basic ones involve making sure to take care of your mind and body. We perform best when we have a good night’s sleep, eat healthy and generally feel well. If you disagree with this, think back to the last time you stayed up all night eating junk food…how prepared did you feel to take on the world the next day? With your body in a good place, you can focus on taking care of your mind. In my experience, most people don’t do poorly on an exam because they are stupid or don’t study enough. (In fact, some of the smartest people I know have struggled with poor grades.) What appears to be the biggest factor is that they tend to “psych themselves out.” In other words, they start believe that they can’t do well on the test and then act accordingly. The following example illustrates what can happen: you have a math final . Even though you did well all semester you tell yourself “I never do well on finals…if I don’t do well on this test, I might fail this class. If I fail this class, I might fail all my classes and then, I won’t get into a good college. If I don’t get into a good college my whole life will be ruined.” Somehow you convince yourself that your whole future depends on this one test. You become so nervous you can’t focus on the test and end up with a poor grade.
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